You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
