Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
