Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
