# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
