I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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