Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
