so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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