I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
