U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
