Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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