Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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