I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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