Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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