I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
