I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
