Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
