yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
