You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
