i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
