I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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