So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
