Dual....:-)
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
