he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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