the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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