i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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