Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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