Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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