Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
