Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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