Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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