dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
