My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
