Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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