Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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