i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
