If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
