Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
