I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sex in a hospital.. check
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
