I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
