I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're too hungover to prance.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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