My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
