omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
