he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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