You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
