Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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