I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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