we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
