Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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