Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
