I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
