When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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